Friday, May 27, 2005
Monday, May 23, 2005
I'm thinking of becoming a Social Engineer
I'm driving along on I-80. The speed limit is, of course, 65 mph. But, the old guy in front is c-r-a-w-l-i-n-g along at around 48. The line of traffic behind us is enormous. Naturally he's in the left lane beside an 18-wheeler he's afraid to pass. I can't for the life of me figure these people out. Are they even AWARE of what's going on around them? No. Of course not.
So here's my solution to the traffic flow problem. I think you'll find it will solve many of society's ills.
You have to drive your age in years. Think of it: teenagers could go no faster than 19 miles per hour. The carnage from teenage speeding and reckless driving would disappear overnight. If you are 80, you have to drive 80 mph (plus or minus five mph). Those old guys are all driving Cadillacs and Lincolns with over 300 horsepower anyway. Why shouldn't they be required to use all those ponies? Besides, when you are 85 years old, how much time do you have left anyway? You're living on borrowed time! Why let it go to waste putzing around the condos at 15 mph?
Now this could be the answer to many ills in today's American life. For example, the Social Security crisis. Why is there a crisis? Because Americans are living too long. We get those oldsters gunning along above 80 and pretty soon we're looking at a Social Security surplus. Medicare too, for that matter. No need to mess with Bush's bogus "managed accounts." The problem would solve itself.
Now, I'm not some cold hearted Red State Fascist. But, I am a free trade capitalist. We could unite the generations by allowing the retirees to start their own businesses driving teenagers around. Think of it, the old folks would find some usefulness again, while picking up some extra cash. The kids would get the thrill of high speed transportation, without the awkwardness of actually learning how to drive.
OK, like any other ground breaking idea, I'm sure there will be detractors. Some people simply lack vision. Look, if we get a sudden rash of automobile crashes involving senior citizens I know there are those who will raise the issue of the death toll. Well, first off, no one lives forever. That's a given. Given a choice, which would YOU chose, dying alone in a "Rest Home" not knowing your own name or go out in a blaze of Glory? I think the choice here is obvious. I know for a fact there are many who support my idea here. How often have your heard or read of an old lady crashing into a McDonald's because "my accelerator got stuck." Sure. She was just practicing an idea whose time has come. As for the kids, so many of them want to commit suicide by car crash anyway, I think we'd hardly notice their absence. Plus, the parents would be collecting all that life insurance money so they could retire and maybe pick up one of those snazzy Mercedes. See? There's something for everyone!
All these years I've been in the wrong field. I should have been a Social Engineer. I think I'm gonna start my own Think Tank. I'm just full of great ideas like these.
So here's my solution to the traffic flow problem. I think you'll find it will solve many of society's ills.
You have to drive your age in years. Think of it: teenagers could go no faster than 19 miles per hour. The carnage from teenage speeding and reckless driving would disappear overnight. If you are 80, you have to drive 80 mph (plus or minus five mph). Those old guys are all driving Cadillacs and Lincolns with over 300 horsepower anyway. Why shouldn't they be required to use all those ponies? Besides, when you are 85 years old, how much time do you have left anyway? You're living on borrowed time! Why let it go to waste putzing around the condos at 15 mph?
Now this could be the answer to many ills in today's American life. For example, the Social Security crisis. Why is there a crisis? Because Americans are living too long. We get those oldsters gunning along above 80 and pretty soon we're looking at a Social Security surplus. Medicare too, for that matter. No need to mess with Bush's bogus "managed accounts." The problem would solve itself.
Now, I'm not some cold hearted Red State Fascist. But, I am a free trade capitalist. We could unite the generations by allowing the retirees to start their own businesses driving teenagers around. Think of it, the old folks would find some usefulness again, while picking up some extra cash. The kids would get the thrill of high speed transportation, without the awkwardness of actually learning how to drive.
OK, like any other ground breaking idea, I'm sure there will be detractors. Some people simply lack vision. Look, if we get a sudden rash of automobile crashes involving senior citizens I know there are those who will raise the issue of the death toll. Well, first off, no one lives forever. That's a given. Given a choice, which would YOU chose, dying alone in a "Rest Home" not knowing your own name or go out in a blaze of Glory? I think the choice here is obvious. I know for a fact there are many who support my idea here. How often have your heard or read of an old lady crashing into a McDonald's because "my accelerator got stuck." Sure. She was just practicing an idea whose time has come. As for the kids, so many of them want to commit suicide by car crash anyway, I think we'd hardly notice their absence. Plus, the parents would be collecting all that life insurance money so they could retire and maybe pick up one of those snazzy Mercedes. See? There's something for everyone!
All these years I've been in the wrong field. I should have been a Social Engineer. I think I'm gonna start my own Think Tank. I'm just full of great ideas like these.
Sunday, May 22, 2005
Pretty Nice surprise for a Saturday Morning!
Too bad I didn't post an audio blog. You could have heard her shriek.
Mick on his Cell talking to his Baba
At the moment she thought he was in Puerto Rico. He is actually at her door.
Saturday, May 21, 2005
Darth Vader Unveiled
Took this with my cell phone during the movie. It's the moment when Anniken Skywalker completes his transition to Darth Vader.
Your Joy is Your Sorrow Unmasked-Kahlil Gibran
So, last night I was making one last airport run to pick up someone for the college. As usual the details were murky. I had a name (a Muslim name) and his flight number. That was it. The story changed from day to day. He was a prospective international student. (Not likely, since I'd never heard of him) He was a recruiting agent for the school. (Also, unlikely for the same reason.) He was a friend of the President. (Didn't make sense because his Admisitrative Assistant had no idea who he was.) There were a couple other scenarios, but basically it had all the earmarks of a wild goose chase. For one thing, the pick up was at 11PM on a Friday night. Saad told me he had refused the assignment. That sounded odd, but I didn't blame him. Another thing was I was to take him to a Holiday Inn near my home, not the school. I didn't know what was going on, but like a good dooby (and a freakin' dumbass) I went.
Now I'm at the baggage claim area waiting for the flight. I've got my little "Welcome" sign with "Muhammad's" name on it. A swarm of people from what I figure is his flight come down the escalator. I'm searching furiously for a likely suspect. No Muhammed. I think maybe I missed him, so I walk over to the luggage carousel waving that stupid sign in everyone's face who looks like they could possibly be a Muhammed. No dice.
Suddenly, I'm grabbed by my shoulder. I spin around and who's standing there: Mick!
I could hardly process the information. It actually took me a few seconds to realize I'd been scammed. But, what a great hoax. After my trevails a couple days ago I couldn't EVER have asked for more.
He's here til Friday. But, today was a good day. MAN, was it a good day!
Now I'm at the baggage claim area waiting for the flight. I've got my little "Welcome" sign with "Muhammad's" name on it. A swarm of people from what I figure is his flight come down the escalator. I'm searching furiously for a likely suspect. No Muhammed. I think maybe I missed him, so I walk over to the luggage carousel waving that stupid sign in everyone's face who looks like they could possibly be a Muhammed. No dice.
Suddenly, I'm grabbed by my shoulder. I spin around and who's standing there: Mick!
I could hardly process the information. It actually took me a few seconds to realize I'd been scammed. But, what a great hoax. After my trevails a couple days ago I couldn't EVER have asked for more.
He's here til Friday. But, today was a good day. MAN, was it a good day!
Friday, May 20, 2005
Things I Like
Sometimes you have to stop and take stock...
1. That first glimpse of someone you care for after a long absence.
2. Seinfeld Re-runs.
Anyone who knows me, knows this. It was simply the best show, bar none, ever produced.
3. Pizza. Any nutritionist who fails to include pizza in their "Food Pyramid" is a fraud.
4. Mozilla Firefox. A relatively new web browser. It's easy. It's fast and the logo is cool.
5. World music. Almost any kind, Arabic, Hindi, African, Asian, name it. I can't understand what they are saying, but the rhythms are hypnotic.
6. World travel. addictive.
7. Finishing a good workout. Time was the workout itself was good enough. Now the satisfaction of being done is what floats my boat.
8. Dusk. Especially in warmer climates. The whole world seems to slow down and relax.
9. Mornings. That promise of a new day.
10. Running on a hot day in a pouring rain. Man, you never feel more alive!
11. Long walks. Just kidding! This isn't one of those Personal Ads. Just wanted to see if you were paying attention. No one believes all those people love long walks anyway.
12. Being alive. It's a good life if you don't weaken...
1. That first glimpse of someone you care for after a long absence.
2. Seinfeld Re-runs.
Anyone who knows me, knows this. It was simply the best show, bar none, ever produced.
3. Pizza. Any nutritionist who fails to include pizza in their "Food Pyramid" is a fraud.
4. Mozilla Firefox. A relatively new web browser. It's easy. It's fast and the logo is cool.
5. World music. Almost any kind, Arabic, Hindi, African, Asian, name it. I can't understand what they are saying, but the rhythms are hypnotic.
6. World travel. addictive.
7. Finishing a good workout. Time was the workout itself was good enough. Now the satisfaction of being done is what floats my boat.
8. Dusk. Especially in warmer climates. The whole world seems to slow down and relax.
9. Mornings. That promise of a new day.
10. Running on a hot day in a pouring rain. Man, you never feel more alive!
11. Long walks. Just kidding! This isn't one of those Personal Ads. Just wanted to see if you were paying attention. No one believes all those people love long walks anyway.
12. Being alive. It's a good life if you don't weaken...
Tuesday, May 17, 2005
Had A Dream about Mick Last Night
He was little again. About, maybe, six years old. Playing with his toys. I woke up at around three AM nearly in tears from missing him, then and now. I'm pretty weepy as I'm writing this.
As I was driving to work this morning something dawned on me. I think I know why people pressure their adult kids to have grandchildren. I always thought it was so they'd know their "line" or "name" would live on. But, I don't think that's it.
I think it's because they want to see that little boy or girl once again through their grandchildren. To relive those moments in a way never appreciated the first time.
I know this is also related to the finality of next Friday. A hard day today.
As I was driving to work this morning something dawned on me. I think I know why people pressure their adult kids to have grandchildren. I always thought it was so they'd know their "line" or "name" would live on. But, I don't think that's it.
I think it's because they want to see that little boy or girl once again through their grandchildren. To relive those moments in a way never appreciated the first time.
I know this is also related to the finality of next Friday. A hard day today.
Sunday, May 15, 2005
And What's with all this "Power of Pride" crap I see on bumper stickers all the time?
I thought Pride cometh before the fall. I'm not all that proud. Saw another bumper sticker the other day, "We are making enemies faster than we can kill them." Yet it's OK for some cracker Baptist minister in North Carolina to tell people in his congregation to repent their sins if they voted for John Kerry. This country!
Wednesday, May 11, 2005
The Days Dwindle Down to a Precious Few
I'm done at the end of this month. Talk about ambivalent! For one thing I am officially a Lame Duck. The lamest of ducks. I'm so lame I can barely waddle my ass to work every day.
I'm looking forward to the next phase, but there is some trepidation. It's always hard giving up the "known" for the "unknown", even if the known is Hell. I'm not saying this is Hell, far from it. But, you know what I mean.
My schedule for the next few months are pretty full. I'll go out to Seattle at the end of May for a week to the NAFSA Annual conference. I'm looking forward to meeting many of my international recruiting friends. Also I've scheduled a five hour kayak trip to watch Orcas.
Later in June Mick and I are hopping down to Costa Rica for nine days. We'll spend time near an active volcano and messing around in some tropical rain forests.
In July I'll go back to my OTHER island (not Puerto Rico) to my friend's daughter's wedding in Sri Lanka. You've already seen the Sherwani I got in Bangalore for the occasion. Ten days in Sri Lanka...can't beat it. I want to spend some quality time at the Elephant Orphanage there. I would like to go there to volunteer sometime.
After that I reckon I'll head down to Puerto Rico to visit Mick again and also hook up with my pal, Eddie Lavigne and the AutopistaAmericas recruitment tour. Just for fun.
So in between those trips I'll have to mow the yard, which I can easily do without. I get absolutely no satisfaction out of yard work. The crap just keeps growing back. My ideal yard would be asphalt painted green. That would hold the heat, even in the winter.
So, I'm in a period of transition here. I'm working on a few things for the future, but otherwise it's a crap shoot. But, then, isn't everything?
You can't get to second base with your foot stuck on first...
I'm looking forward to the next phase, but there is some trepidation. It's always hard giving up the "known" for the "unknown", even if the known is Hell. I'm not saying this is Hell, far from it. But, you know what I mean.
My schedule for the next few months are pretty full. I'll go out to Seattle at the end of May for a week to the NAFSA Annual conference. I'm looking forward to meeting many of my international recruiting friends. Also I've scheduled a five hour kayak trip to watch Orcas.
Later in June Mick and I are hopping down to Costa Rica for nine days. We'll spend time near an active volcano and messing around in some tropical rain forests.
In July I'll go back to my OTHER island (not Puerto Rico) to my friend's daughter's wedding in Sri Lanka. You've already seen the Sherwani I got in Bangalore for the occasion. Ten days in Sri Lanka...can't beat it. I want to spend some quality time at the Elephant Orphanage there. I would like to go there to volunteer sometime.
After that I reckon I'll head down to Puerto Rico to visit Mick again and also hook up with my pal, Eddie Lavigne and the AutopistaAmericas recruitment tour. Just for fun.
So in between those trips I'll have to mow the yard, which I can easily do without. I get absolutely no satisfaction out of yard work. The crap just keeps growing back. My ideal yard would be asphalt painted green. That would hold the heat, even in the winter.
So, I'm in a period of transition here. I'm working on a few things for the future, but otherwise it's a crap shoot. But, then, isn't everything?
You can't get to second base with your foot stuck on first...
Monday, May 02, 2005
In Vin Veritas
After Saad's failed attempt to kill me on China's
Great Wall (which I've since learned was named after a
restaurant) I allowed him to accompany me to Nazareth
College in Rochester, NY.
We were reunited with our good friend, Dr. George
Eisen, at Nazareth's annual wine tasting gala. The
evening was exquisite and I must say I looked fabulous
in my Sherwani.
The bonds of friendship, forged "under fire" in India,
became ever more strengthened.
Danke schoen, Herr Doktor Professor!!
Great Wall (which I've since learned was named after a
restaurant) I allowed him to accompany me to Nazareth
College in Rochester, NY.
We were reunited with our good friend, Dr. George
Eisen, at Nazareth's annual wine tasting gala. The
evening was exquisite and I must say I looked fabulous
in my Sherwani.
The bonds of friendship, forged "under fire" in India,
became ever more strengthened.
Danke schoen, Herr Doktor Professor!!
Next stop: Bollywood!
Actually Sri Lanka in July. One of the International Students (Guess which country?) I met at Nazareth College.
Apologies to George, but I like this photo MUCH better than the one taken with him.
Strictly because you can see the full length of the sherwani, don't you know...
Apologies to George, but I like this photo MUCH better than the one taken with him.
Strictly because you can see the full length of the sherwani, don't you know...
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