I'm thinking of becoming a Social Engineer

I'm driving along on I-80. The speed limit is, of course, 65 mph. But, the old guy in front is c-r-a-w-l-i-n-g along at around 48. The line of traffic behind us is enormous. Naturally he's in the left lane beside an 18-wheeler he's afraid to pass. I can't for the life of me figure these people out. Are they even AWARE of what's going on around them? No. Of course not.

So here's my solution to the traffic flow problem. I think you'll find it will solve many of society's ills.

You have to drive your age in years. Think of it: teenagers could go no faster than 19 miles per hour. The carnage from teenage speeding and reckless driving would disappear overnight. If you are 80, you have to drive 80 mph (plus or minus five mph). Those old guys are all driving Cadillacs and Lincolns with over 300 horsepower anyway. Why shouldn't they be required to use all those ponies? Besides, when you are 85 years old, how much time do you have left anyway? You're living on borrowed time! Why let it go to waste putzing around the condos at 15 mph?

Now this could be the answer to many ills in today's American life. For example, the Social Security crisis. Why is there a crisis? Because Americans are living too long. We get those oldsters gunning along above 80 and pretty soon we're looking at a Social Security surplus. Medicare too, for that matter. No need to mess with Bush's bogus "managed accounts." The problem would solve itself.

Now, I'm not some cold hearted Red State Fascist. But, I am a free trade capitalist. We could unite the generations by allowing the retirees to start their own businesses driving teenagers around. Think of it, the old folks would find some usefulness again, while picking up some extra cash. The kids would get the thrill of high speed transportation, without the awkwardness of actually learning how to drive.

OK, like any other ground breaking idea, I'm sure there will be detractors. Some people simply lack vision. Look, if we get a sudden rash of automobile crashes involving senior citizens I know there are those who will raise the issue of the death toll. Well, first off, no one lives forever. That's a given. Given a choice, which would YOU chose, dying alone in a "Rest Home" not knowing your own name or go out in a blaze of Glory? I think the choice here is obvious. I know for a fact there are many who support my idea here. How often have your heard or read of an old lady crashing into a McDonald's because "my accelerator got stuck." Sure. She was just practicing an idea whose time has come. As for the kids, so many of them want to commit suicide by car crash anyway, I think we'd hardly notice their absence. Plus, the parents would be collecting all that life insurance money so they could retire and maybe pick up one of those snazzy Mercedes. See? There's something for everyone!

All these years I've been in the wrong field. I should have been a Social Engineer. I think I'm gonna start my own Think Tank. I'm just full of great ideas like these.