Elephant Doo Doo Duties

I've kind of gotten away from what I actually did with the elephants. These first two pix show what I did the first thing every morning. Rani was chained (chains are part of every tame elephant's life.) to a tree stump alongside a little meadow each night. Her "stall," as it were, was a concrete slab. One of my jobs was to clean her stall area from the previous night's "stuff." "Stuff" included the remains of the palm leaves, Jak fruit and anything else she would dine on and her dung. She ate alot of food and always left ALOT of dung. I'm guessing 100 to 150 pounds per night. And I'd have to say she was a "regular" gal.

At first, in a show of macho bravado, I did everything bare handed. After all, the mahouts did everything barehanded. And barefooted. Sure it was filthy, but an elephant only digests about 30% of the stuff they eat anyway. So it was mostly just leaves and twigs. Aromatic leaves and twigs. But, elephant dung tends to attract these nasty little caterpiller-like critters that had a nasty bite. After one such nip I started wearing the gloves. Why they didn't use shovels I'll never know. Basically I got rid of the poop by tossing it over the river embankment. The local paper factory routinely came over to collect some of the dung, but that's a whole 'nother story. Anyway, the morning stall mucking usually only took about fifteen minutes. After sweeping up and washing the spot down with a couple buckets of water it was time to go down to the river for the morning bath.

This was the first elephant I washed when I first arrived. I didn't know what I was doing, but the mahout said I did a good job.

Chananda, Rani's mahout, told me several times that I was good at washing elephants. It was gratifying. After 56 years on this planet I'd finally found a skill at which I was a natural (that is if you discount Bullshit Artist). We did it by scrubbing that tough hide with sliced coconut husks. You know, it was surreal. You'd be laying all over the animal, pushing her ears, yelling at her to lift her leg (Whatina BILA!!), focusing on a small area, when all of a sudden the mahout would command her to stand up. You'd look at her and think, "Holy Smokes!" They really are big.

After about an hour and a half we would be finished. By that time tourists would be showing up to see and ride the elephants. That's how the mahouts make their money. Through the tips they get. It's not a lush life.

After breakfast the volunteers would gather in the Vet room to make up the day's vitamins and dough balls for the MEF herd. Every elephant is checked daily and evaluated weekly for nutrition needs. Some of the older elephants come to MEF in poor physical health and need LOTS of attention as they are nursed back to health.
A couple hours after the morning bath, the mahouts would bring them around so we could check their feet for cuts, stones or foot rot (a common problem. After all, they tend to stand around in piles of their own poop all day long.) Any cuts, abrasions, infections or sores are treated. And finally they're fed the daily doughball.


And that was the basic duties with the elephants every day. Tara, the MEF guy in charge of the volunteers always urged us to talk to the elephants, because they would get used to us and come to know who we were. I think it worked. Chananda and I talked and sang to Rani everyday. He in Sinhalese, me in English. I'm sure she was quite confused.

A Different Kind of Orphanage

There was this village, Rambukkana (Rahm BOOK' ana), about four miles from MEF. A boys orphanage had been established there by an order of Buddhist monks. From time to time some of the volunteers would go over in the evening to teach a little english and basically just play with the kids. They ranged in age from probably ten to 18 years old.

They had an old TV, but otherwise this was the barest of places. No XBox would ever come within 100 miles of this place.

The boys would cling to us like Saran wrap. They were eager to learn and to have human contact. AND they loved to mug for photos. The beauty of digital. Instant gratification.

They were proud of their english books and struggled mightily to improve. I'm sorry to say I'm not much of a teacher, but together we would all work to improve our communication skills.

It's not all sunrises on Adam's Peak and World Heritage sites. But, maybe this was the best of it.

The Tsunami

This mural was on the wall of a seaside bar/restaurant near Galle. An odd choice I thought.

I didn't take many pictures of the devastated areas. For one thing most of it has been pretty well cleaned up. Sure there were concrete slabs where once a house stood. And a few buildings obviously damaged by the giant wave. Lots of rebuilt areas. Many signs indicating assistance from countries around the world.

And the cemetaries.

There weren't all that many cemetaries. So many of the bodies were simply washed out to sea. As we were passing one small plot while onboard a bus I noticed a small sculpture. A blue wave (looked like it was made of concrete)curling high with about five white hands reaching out of the water. We were past it so fast I couldn't get a picture. It was eerie, disturbing, thought-provoking, poignant and effective.

When we were changing buses in Galle I started to say something about it when one of the other volunteers said "Did you see that wave sculpture with the hands?" A third volunteer had seen it also. One said a Sri Lankan man sitting next to her had expressed distaste for it. She couldn't tell why he felt that way.

We had a discussion about the meaning of it. Would you want to be remembered more by the way you died than by the way you lived? I think sometimes it's not your call. The inspiration (the lost victims of the tsunami) for the sculpture has made a powerful statement on the manner of their deaths that may have far overshadowed the lives they lived.

A different take. A few evenings earlier I was relaxing at the Peacock Bar in Unawatuna, a beach side party area. I was on my third iced coffee and, was "uncharacteristically" (Yeah, I know) talkative. The owner had come over and was sitting at our table. It was the night I saw the Southern Cross. The subject rolled around to the tsunami. I figure that must happen alot with us foreign tourists. I asked him if anyone was lost at his place. He replied, rather matter-of-factly, that his mother and a cook were taken by the wave. I thought about that later and talked it over with the other volunteers. They felt it was due to his Buddhist believe that "Kharma is Kharma" that he was able to accept his mother's fate so "easily." (I'm sure it wasn't easy.) Maybe that shows some of the differences between the Eastern and Western ways of thought.

At any rate, as beautiful as the coasts and beaches were, I could never look at them without imagining what it must have been like when the water receded into the sea.

More Elephants

This was taken at Pinnewala Elephant Orphanage. This is the big State run orphanage located a couple miles from MEF. The elephants spend the days frolicking in a nearby river. In the afternoon they are driven up this road to the jungle area where they spend the nights.

Look early on in the video at the very right of the picture. There is an elephant missing part of his right front leg. I first saw it three years ago. The story is it stepped on a land mine laid in the Sri Lankan civil war. Don't know which side laid it. Doesn't matter.

Adam's Peak

This was taken on my way back down. I think most people would have said "Screw it" if they saw how hard the climb was in daylight.

At 7,336 feet, Adam's Peak is only the third or fourth tallest mountain in Sri Lanka. But, it is possibly the only place in the world considered sacred by four major religions. At the very peak, legend has it, is an imprint of Adam's foot created when he was cast out of Heaven and landed on Earth, or where the Hindu God Shiva once stood, or where the Buddha once stood (although Buddha never came to Sri Lanka). Adam, being the first man mentioned in the bible covers for Islam and Christianity since he is the first prophet. Hey, if you buy "Creationism" I guess you could buy this. But essentially it's a Buddhist thing.

At any rate the place has been a pilgrimage for over a thousand years. Although people of ALLages make the ascent day and night, the deal is to get to the top in time to see the sun rise. So you have to start in the wee small hours (about 3AM) to make it in time.

We booked this little place, "The Green House," at the base of the mountain for our stay the night before the ascent. One of two places in Sri Lanka where I got a hot shower. The lady of the house was very nice and provided a huge breakfast after we had finished. I think the total cost was about five bucks, give or take.

Three AM and off we go. The path is mostly steps, some stone, some concrete, many broken or irregular. But the way is lit by flourescent lights. It's still a good idea to carry a flashlight, because there are gaps in the lighting. Over there they call flashlights "torches" (British influence) which always threw me off. When I hear torch, I think of a thing with fire on the end. Angry villagers with pitchforks going after the Frankenstein monster kind of thing.

Near the start of the trail pilgrims receive blessings from both Buddhist and Hindu priests who are there 24/7. Like me.

They had all these little tea shops along the way. We stopped for a cup. But, the tea was TERRIBLE! It was more milk and sugar than tea. And this place is smack in the middle of Sri Lankan tea country.

Sri Lankan ethno-techno music blared from every shop and was with us all they way to the top. Some complained, but since I kind of like that music anyway I didn't mind.

Made it to the top with time to spare. Nearly every inch of the peak is covered with people waiting to see the sun pop up over the clouds. I guess in the heavy tourist season many can't even get to the top because the crowds are so thick. This day was pretty good.

Here Comes The Sun... With the cloud layer below us the sunrise was a beautiful moment. Now it was time to see what this footprint business is all about.

The shrine of the footprint is at the top of the stairs behind me. You weren't allowed to take pictures of it up there. Actually, you can't even see the footprint itself. Its covered with a sheet in order to collect the monetary offerings tossed by pilgrims. They keep talking about all these pilgrims, but I never saw anyone wearing those big black hats nor square belt buckles nor muskets. (Sorry)

Anyway, you climbed the steps and had about ten seconds to look upon it. The priest instructed each to bow three times (The Buddha, the Sangha, the Dharma). Then we moved on.

The fellow to the extreme left of the picture was one of the few Americans I met over there. He was from Bala Cynwyd, a suburb of Philly. After talking to him I realized I had pronounced the name of his village wrong all these years. If you try to say it while pretending to cough up a hairball, you'll just about have it right.

Another big thing with being on top of Adam's Peak at sunrise is to capture the shadow of the mountain cast by the sun against the hillside. It's supposed to be a perfect triangle. Unfortunately you need a clear day to get the effect. So this was my shadow picture. One of the volunteers who had climbed Adam's a couple weeks earlier got a beautiful shot. I thought I had copied it to my folder, but I can't find it. So here's one from Goggle image.

The hardest part for me was the descent off the mountain. Shades of Macchu Picchu! But, now that it was daylight we could see what we had just done. The views were spectacular! But my thighs gave me the business for the next three days. Still it was a great little adventure.

Here's a clear picture taken from the air of Adam's Peak. I boosted it from my old friend Google Image:


Sonofagun if I didn't find a picture of the uncovered footprint on Google. Some footprint. Where do people come up with this stuff?

Mass Transit, Sri Lankan Style

Orange vendor on a bus selling his wares as we wait to go.




I've mentioned Tuk-Tuks a couple times. If you've ever been to south Asia you'll know what I'm talking about. These ubiquitous three wheelers are EVERYWHERE! They compete with buses,trucks (lorries, in the vernacular), vans, cars, motorbikes, bicycles and pedestrians for road space, making every trip an adventure. Normally two or three passengers can be handled "comfortably," but I've heard of as many as 11 passengers. Those wheels must have been flat! Tuk-Tuk drivers are almost universally friendly, courteous, knowledgable (Many, though illiterate, speak several languages fluently. Business is business throughout the world after all.) and drive like they're on crack.

I'd love to have a Tuk-Tuk here to putter around the community. I'm pretty sure, however, there is NO WAY a Tuk-Tuk could ever be legally licensed.

The buses are great. In the major cities they run constantly, pretty much on time and they are cheap. Depending on the degree of "luxury" you're willing to pay for a two hour ride can cost as low as 27 rupees (about 30 cents) or as high as Rs135 ($1.40)for an air conditioned, newer version. The bus drivers, like the Tuk-Tuk drivers, are also universally on crack, I'm pretty sure.

Turtle Project at Kosgoda

There are LOADS of volunteer projects (and volunteers) in Sri Lanka. In the aftermath of the tsunami money and people poured into the country from around the world to assist in rebuilding. With the wild elephant population and human-elephant conflicts there are many NGOs monitoring elephant populations throughout the country.

One very popular project is the Sea Turtle project at Kosgoda. The sponsoring organization (I forget who) buys endangered turtle eggs from poachers, buries them in the sand until they hatch, then at the right tide, moon phase and I don't know what all, releases them into the ocean. The volunteers have to sit up all night sometimes as the eggs hatch to help them along. Sometimes the poor little turtles are confused by the lights of traffic along the road and go the wrong way.

It's important work to help save these endangered animals. And they are cute. But, MAN that looked like boring work! I mean, you just sit around all day waiting til night for something (or maybe nothing) to happen. There was a kind of bar across the road, but otherwise nothing.

Give me the elephants every time.

This was Stevie (The turtle, that is). Stevie was found under a pile of rubble following the tsunami. He was blinded during the tragedy and will live out the rest of his life in a tank at Kosgoda. He gets lots of attention.

Why I Went

We each come as volunteers to Millennium Elephant Foundation for different reasons. For the bulk it’s to do a little travel during Gap year before university. Some come to find adventure in a strange culture. Most volunteers are young (under 25), British and female.

For me it has been a completely different experience. I’m a 56 year old American man. A Yank in a strange land. I came to MEF as part of a healing process following the passing of my wife from cancer.

Today ends my one month stay here. By tomorrow morning I’ll be halfway across the Atlantic on my way back to America. But I believe I have a different story to tell.

This was my third visit to Sri Lanka, a land of beauty and mystery. On my first trip in 2003 the very first place I saw (after the Colombo airport) was MEF. From that moment on I have been inexorably drawn back.

What is Millennium Elephant Foundation all about? Well, of course, “Elephant” is its middle name. Your first, last and constant impression is of the gray, four-legged, long-trunked residents of MEF.

But, the MEF experience FAR exceeds that:

It’s watching the water buffalo come to the “tank” as the evening sun sets over the wildlife refuge at Ude Wellewe. It’s sweating your way up the Rock of Sigiriya. Playing with the children of Habarana, where the human-elephant conflict affects their daily lives. It’s saying good-bye to other volunteers as they end their stay and welcoming new ones as they arrive. It’s having time to read in the evenings instead of mindlessly watching the tube. It’s subjecting oneself daily to the tender mercies of Mr. Karu in the eco-garden (Ah, but fresher, more flavorful vegetables you’ll never taste!).

It’s going to the boy’s orphanage in Rambukkana and marveling at their thirst to learn English and to have visitors. It’s sitting outside your bungalow at dusk as the sounds of the Buddhist chants waft across the valley. It’s being wakened in the morning by the sounds of the jungle and Chandana (my mahout) on his new motorbike as he arrives for a new day. It’s being excitedly greeted by the howls of the unofficial MEF dog triumvirate (Winnie, Collin and Stumpy) as the volunteers return Sunday evenings from a weekend away.

It’s the 3 AM start to climb Adam’s Peak so you can make the top by sunrise (I SWEAR it’s straight up! The lights along the path lead directly to the stars.). It’s entering the MEF-sponsored Ten Kilometer race as part of the Sri Lankan New Years celebration, only to find out it is over 12 kilometers and 90 degrees (34 C.) and you never had a chance to win anyway because at least four barefoot, hard-as-nails Sri Lankan lads were efficiently cleaning your clock.

It’s seeing the Southern Cross for the first time. It’s having the local guys invite you, an American, steeped in baseball, to join the evening cricket game. Playing in the meadow, the MEF elephants looking on as thunder boomed in the distance, I wasn’t a tired, worn down 56-year old man. I was eleven again and the cares of the world poured off me as though being washed by a rainstorm.

Its four hour rides in crowded, un-air conditioned buses (But what do you want for 60 Rupees?). It’s seeing with awe and fear the destruction wreaked by the tsunami. It’s being even more impressed by the resilience of the Sri Lankan people as they put their lives back together, with help from around the World.

It’s the morning salute from Mr. Putty, the cheerful greetings from Mr. Jazz, the checking in of Sara and Mr. Sunil as they arrive each day. The good natured teasing with the mahouts. It’s the kindness, concern and caring of Mrs. Samarasinghe, the Great Lady of MEF. It's seeing the golden glow of the setting sun silhouette the enormous Buddha statue looking down on Kandy Lake.


It’s all that and so much more. But, in the end it IS all about the elephants. It’s what drew us all here in the first place. We come to think of our assigned elephant as OURS. Throughout the globe hundreds of former MEF volunteers will think back on the time they spent here and THEIR elephant. Rani was MY elephant. When we said our good-byes there was a lump in my throat and, I SWEAR, a tear in her eye. Next week she will be someone else’s elephant. But, in my heart she will always be mine. Rani brought some healing to me. For that I will never forget her. And as I promised my MEF friends that I will return again next year maybe once again Rani will be mine.

TOTALLY Off Topic!

I found this on the Bob and Tom Radio Show web site. Forgotten I'd done it. Was up in St. Johns, NF in I think 2003 and looked this place up. Pre-Blog. Bob and Tom were always carrying on about a town named Dildo. I had to drive about 120 miles all told to get the photos. I suffer for my art... (How'd you like the 'stash?)

Posted Tuesday, April 15

In Search of Dildo

Dear Bob and Tom,
You guys inspired me to seek out the fishing village of Dildo, Newfoundland on my recent trip to St. John's. It was a quaint little place. The locals seemed suspicious though. I don't think too many people seek this place out. I asked around, but no one knew who Cap'n Dildo was. I'l shoot you some other pix.
Regards,
Mike Wigal

The Dogs of MEF

Like most developing countries you find dogs all over the place. For the most part they are filthy, starving, feral animals usually found rummaging through garbage looking for food. But, there were three unofficial "pets" who hung around the encampment. Winnie, Collin and Stumpy. The funny thing is they, as a group, were slavishly devoted to the volunteers. Wherever we went, they followed. We would be toiling under the blistering sun in the Eco-garden and they would be sleeping in the shade nearby. If we were in the office, they would be sleeping under the desks. If we were in our bungalows they would be hanging around, not necesarily looking for food, but just companionship. Indeed, unlike the too-civilized Saps here at home, they rarely took handouts. They just wanted to hang.

On Sunday nights, when our group would return from a weekend excursion, as we alit from the Tuk-tuks, here they would come running, yelping and howling greetings of delight. They were always glad to see us.

This was Winnie. My personal favorite. Wherever I went, Winnie went. She always escorted me to and from my bungalow. A nice little mutt.

Collin. Always covered in ticks. But very loveable.

Good ol' Stumpy. Appropriately named, legend has it Stumpy tangled with one of the many three-wheelers (Tuk-tuks) that operate throughout south Asia. Now he's a tuk-tuk himself. It didn't slow him down much. He was one tough hombre. Sadly he had to submit to the daily humiliation of squatting to pee, because with only three legs he couldn't balance himself on just two to do his duty.

There was one other dog of note. We called it "Scabbie Dog." It is a candidate for the world's ugliest dog. It hung around the restaurant across the street from MEF. I was always more than a little relieved to see Scabbie AFTER having a meal containing meat.

Hey, you never know...

What I Could See From the Stoop in Front of My Room.

This was my bungalow. There were four or five units. I was the only occupant the entire month.

Water buffalo plowing the rice paddy.

Raja, MEF's big tusker, snacking on Jak leaves.

Monitor lizard looking for an afternoon shade. We also had Mongooses (Mongeese?), but I could never get the camera on one. Snakes to, but same story. Non-poisonous.

Green parrot. It and the mate had a nice nest in a tree trunk right in front of my door.

The greenery.

Culture Vulture Stuff

Hit five of Sri Lanka's seven UNESCO World Heritage sites. One, Sigiriya, was a repeat. So my worldwide total is up to 34. Only 779 more to go.

The Buddhist Caves of Dambulla.

When you see the Southern Cross for the first time...

You understand now why you came this way.

On the weekends we traveled to different places around the country. My last weekend we rode the busses for about seven hours to the old Dutch fortress city of Galle. Galle is in an area hard hit by the tsunami. But, that's a topic for a later post.

I booked a room along the ramparts of the fort, Beatrice House. It had been built during the British Raj era and was about 200 years old. It looked it, but what do you want for six bucks including breakfast? Mr. Kure, also about 200 years old, was the proprietor, a very nice gentleman.

Anyway, as I walked out onto the street later that night I looked up and there it was. The Southern Cross. I was mesmerized. Why I'm not entirely sure. After all, it's just a coincidental confluence of a few stars. Maybe it's the old Stephen Stills song, but the Southern Cross evokes images and feelings of adventure.

I'm always happy to see Orion whenever I'm out. I think of him as an old friend. Now the Southern Cross is my new acquaintance in the night sky.

And I understood why I came this way.

Mr. Kure and his grandson say goodbye.

Shower Time Sri Lankan Style

ALMOST the warmest shower I received while in Sri Lanka. Nothing like a river water bath! Elephants hardly EVER shit in the river.

THERE AND BACK AGAIN

Call me Bilbo Baggins. It all happened so fast. I just left. Anyway, this is the first post of many to come. But, it's 2:30 AM and I'm fighting (not very well) jet lag.

The characters are Chananda (on the left), me and Rani. Chananda is Rani's mahout or handler. This was taken on our last day together.

More to come.

Washed My First Elephant Today

Made it to Sri Lanka on Tuesday. We took off right away to Uda Welewe, a nature preserve containing herds of wild elephants. Spent the night sleeping under the stars and listening to the birds. Saw maybe 40 or 50 elephants. One up close and personal. I've got the video. He was more curious than anything.

Today I gave my first elephant bath. Menike is her name. She lay on her side in a stream while I scrubbed her with split cocoanut husks. She seemed to enjoy it. He mahout (handler) told me "very good." It may have been the only english he knows. But, I'll take it.

It's the Sri Lankan New Year today. Fireworks have been going off all around us for days. Sounds like a war zone. No wait...it IS a war zone. But, no real shooting these days. Tomorrow the Millenium Elephant Foundation (where I'm staying) is having a New Years celebration for the locals. Prizes and games sort of thing. All the proceeds go toward the local poor. There's even a 10 kilometer race. Natch, I'm in. Funny, it's not like in the States here. Have yet to see anyone "jogging" for exercise, except maybe in the major city, Colombo. (Seems like the primary interest here is living and maybe cricket) AND it gets pretty hot here too. I wonder what this will be like. I haven't raced since 1999 and I don't intend to re-start. But I will go the distance.

Monday we're off to an agricultural village which suffers from a human-elephant conflict problem. The farmers expand their crop lands into the jungle which of course is the elephants' home. Thhe elephants take issue and strike back, often with disastrous results. We'll be providing alarm equipment, which alerts the villagers when an elephant is near and helps to scare them (the elephants) off. Later we'll work on building a schoolhouse for the village kids. We'll be gone a couple days.

I'm with a great bunch of folks. About six other volunteers, all Euros, mostly from the UK. I MAY be picking up a bit of a cockney accent. I'll be talking like the GEICO Gecko by the time I get back.

Blimey!

"The Best Laid Plans of Mice and Men Gaing Aft Aglae..."

Well....you know that plan I had to do a quick tour of London? Gone. You know that trip I left for yesterday to Sri Lanka? I'm still in the States.

Turns out there was bad weather in Newark. (Flying in to Newark, which I've done several times before, over the swamps, the factories, the urban blight, I wonder if I've ever landed here when it wasn't gloomy. I think not.) Our plane from Pittsburgh was about three hours late taking off. We landed just as my flight onward to London left. There were literally HUNDREDS of folks in my situation. You would think the airlines would hold some of these international flights so we could all catch up. You would be wrong. Looooong story short: twenty-four hour delay. I'm scheduled to leave the beautiful city of Newark at 8:30 tonight. I'm hoping my attempts at contacting the people who will pick me up in Colombo are successful. I'll say this, I love the GSM, quad-band (or whatever they call it) cell phone. Called my good friend in Sri Lanka. Clearer than some local calls.

So I along with a slew of other stranded passengers were comped an overnight stay and two meals. Ramada Inn. Surrounded by concrete. Could go into Manhatten for a short stay, but don't know if I have the mental energy for it.

I did read "The Kite Runner" in it's entirety yesterday. Very good read. About Afghanistan from before the Russians, the mujahadden, the Talibandits, 9/11 to the present. Fictional novel. Moving. I recommend it. Author is Khaled Hosseini.

So the day wasn't a complete waste.

Twenty-two hours and 35 minutes into the journey and I've made it as far as Newark.

"Every Tomorrow Ought Not To Resemble Every Yesterday"

From West With The Night by Beryl Markham, 1942.

I heard that!

For the next month I'm living out of this pack. Next up: Airport hassle, then London.

Let's get it on.

I'm Packed

Got everything in one backpack. Except for a couple paperbacks I'm bringing to read on the plane. Otherwise I'm at around 18 and a half pounds, including camera.

Planning my hike around London during my eight hour layover. From Westminster Abbey through the Tower of London to Greenwich Observatory is 5.5 miles. If I can just follow the Thames I should be alright.

Well, if I get lost I can just ask. I DO speak the language. After a fashion.

Tally-ho!

Notes on one of my Interests

Visiting UNESCO World Heritage sites, as you may know, is one of my little hobbies. I have to date hit 30 sites. Looking forward to picking up a few more this trip during my eight hour layover in London (Tower of London for one) and when in Sri Lanka. Also should nail down a few in Central America this June and July.

Follow the link for an article on how my tourism is endangering the sites. But, what am I gonna do? They're out there. So am I.

This Week's Sign of the Apocalypse

Heather Locklear's New Romance!

April 5, 2006

ET first broke the news in February that HEATHER LOCKLEAR and her rocker husband RICHIE SAMBORA were calling it quits after more than 11 years of marriage.

Now the former "Melrose Place" and "Spin City" star is dating comedian DAVID SPADE, according to Us Weekly.

The two were reportedly seen kissing while hanging out with some friends at a West Hollywood hot spot.

Heather and David share the same manager and have been friends for some time. Has their relationship turned romantic?

For now, the couple is keeping things quiet -- David recently declined to comment on any intimate details at the April 2 premiere of his new movie 'The Benchwarmers.'

Sheesh! David Spade and Heather Locklear? Kissing? I think I'm gonna be sick.

This Is Where I'm Headed

OK, first a word about the 'stash. I wore that (now) ridiculous looking thing for 29 years. Something about making my baby-face look older. (Once I actually got some significant mileage I decided I probably didn't need it anymore.)

The picture was taken three years ago when I first visited Millenium Elephant Foundation in Kegalle, Sri Lanka. It's along side the stream where the pachyderms get their daily bath. A week from now I'll be washing one of these guys, maybe this one.