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A man of many words. Profane, profound, loyal to a fault and a right rat bastard. I love the finer things in life: expensive cigars, cheap women and all the salted, cured meats I can eat. A friend to dogs, lover of humanity and despiser of people. If I were King the world would be a better place, because, well...I would be King! Oh, and I like ice cream.

Sunday, October 15, 2006

BMW scam update

It didn't take long for them to reply to my answer. Here is their latest posting:

Reference Number BMW:2551256003/23

Dear Shitz A. McGuffney,

How are you doing today? I am in receipt of your mail
and i must say that you should count yourself
extremely lucky to have emerged as one of our winners
in this years 2006 BMW LOTTERY PROMO. As you already
know your email address was randomly selected along
with others from a database of over 250,000 (Hey, the first Email said 50,000!)email
addresses drawn from all the continents of the world.
Each email address was attached to a ticket number.
Your email address (Lagiwekim@yahoo.com) with
Reference Number BMW:2551256003/23 was selected along
with others as winners of a cash prize of £450,000.00
(four hundred and fifty thousand Great British Pounds)
and a brand new BMW 5 Series Car
A certificate of prize claims and some vital documents
will be sent along side your winnings cheque and brand
new BMW car.

VISUAL DISPATCH DELIVERIES has been contracted as your
delivery agent to send your winnings safely to you.
Contact their delivery Agent with the contact
information below for further instructions on how to
send your winnings to you.

DELIVERY AGENT.
Mr Victor Bloom
E-MAIL: visualdispatchdelivery@hotmail.com

Its is imperative that you add your Reference Number
BMW:2551256003/23 as the subject of any correspondence
with the courier company to ensure they respond in a
timely manner.
I will require a concise update on the proceedings
with the firm as soon as you are in contact with them.

Regards.
Dunace clem
FIDUCIARY AGENT

OK, here is my response. Notice I haven't contacted them in the way they suggest. they'll get around to pushing me for that soon. Maybe we'll get to the point when they ask for money. (Oh, and by the way, the Fax number I sent in earlier is an actual number belonging to a friend of mine. Wanna bet he gets some interesting faxes?)

Dear Mr. Dumbass Clem,

It's very nice to hear from you. Since I'm from
Amerika I'm not sure how much four hundred and fifty
thousand British pounds weigh. Is it a lot? I mean
if I figure right in this country that would be 225
tons. But, 225 tons of what?

Also, could you tell me a little more about the 2006
BMW 5 Series car. What options are on it? Does it
have heated driver's seats? That would be very
important to me, because I have an acute case of
sub-clinical hemorrhoids. A warm seat is a must for
me, expecially here in the north where it is getting
pretty cold these days.

I'd like one of those Tom Tom's on it too.

Let me know what I have to do.

Your fiend,

Shitz A. McGuffney


Any apparent misspellings or mispronunciations are entirely intentional.

2 comments:

Hani said...

Mike, that's hilarious. I get a ton of spam from those scammers and I've always wanted to play with them a little but never bothered.

Anonymous said...

Quite amusing, Mike. I have occasionally responded to some of these spam mails with scathing emails demanding that I never be contacted again, and threatening to have my attorney, Anne Thracks, serve them up.