It's 3 AM here in Mike's World and I'm up. Typical. (Hey, it ain't easy being me.) I don't know if it's considered poor etiquette to mention this, but I noticed I had a couple comments on my last two blog entries. And they weren't from people I already know whom I forced to read this at the point of a gun. Wow! I'm stunned. How the heck did they even find this thing?
Anyway, it's a rush. But, of course it puts incredible pressure on me. I guess the thought may have crossed my mind that someone might one day read my drivel. Sure, sometimes I think "That was a pretty good entry." But, it could be like when you were in high school and wrote something for the school paper, thinking you really nailed it. Then ten years later you come back across it and it turns out to be a load of crap.
I don't know if I can stand up to the pressure.
Nah! No problem. (But, thanks guys.)
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5 comments:
Mike,
I literally came across your blog by typing Jan's name into Google. Every now and then, I go to various websites and look for the 'latest' on people (ie: former professors, in this case). I really don't know what led me to look her up, other than the fact that as I was checking out YSU's Counseling Dept. website I noted that she wasn't there anymore. I thought perhaps she'd moved on to another university teaching job so I was curious. That's when something you wrote showed up! It's amazing how 'google' manages to 'help keep us all connected' in one way or another. At the same time, I suppose we don't want to expose more of ourselves than we REALLY want the whole world to see because they REALLY can!! Anyway, I 'created' my blog just yesterday after reading yours. First, in order to send you a comment, I "had" to 'join' and create a profile. Then, I thought, 'what the heck', I'll create a blog page too. I haven't done anything with it (other than give it a name) but I have a mission now. Thanks for the inspiration! Jan
Jan,
It's amazing! We truly are all connected. This Blog has been a real release for me. It's funny you wrote now, because she passed away on September 23rd. I dread the coming of that day. I'll be in Bahrain, so I hope that helps.
Jan touched so many lives. She would have been happy to know you cared enough to "Google" her.
Good luck with your Blog. I think it's OK to open up a little. 'Course I never thought anyone would actually read mine.
Keep playing with it. I'm still trying to figure how to maximize it's use.
Mike
Mike, I hope my reading your blog won't hinder your 'ongoing production'. (you noted feeling added 'pressure' knowing people are reading it...)
ps: you left me a message on your blog, so i copied and pasted it to mine. no one else even knows i HAVE a blog. your messages are the only ones I'll probably ever get!
thinking of you in your travels...stay safe. jan
Mike, I just want to say, before you 'move on' to your next blog, that I am truly sorry about your losing Jan. I was 29 when I knew her and she couldn't have been more than a few years older than me...you guys had your little guy then, who was about 6, I think. (Little did I know that 2 yrs later I too, would have my first child--who is now EEK!) 17! I also have a little guy now too, Michael, who is 8). Anyway, I want you to know I hope you are able to find (and do) whatever your dreams are leading you to. I can already see (from your blog) what a thoroughly multi-talented, dynamic, intense lover-of-life you are and why Jan must have had 25 terrific and exciting years with you as her companion. I wish for you a terrific future. If you don't mind my asking, what kind of cancer did she have? And how long was she ill? It's a horrible, insidious disease, I know. I had a cancer diagnosis last July 2003...salivary gland cancer of the palate. I had 3 surguries to remove it at Georgetown Univ. Hosp. A Palatectomy in Aug, a Maxillectomy in Sept. and a Forearm-Freeflap Transfer (where they literally put part of my arm, along w/an artery, over the roof of my mouth, connecting the artery to my carotid artery--to keep the tissue alive). Then I had 35 radiation sessions. I will get checked every 3 to 4 months with MRI's, CT scans, etc. for the rest of my life as this cancer can come back as far out as 20 years. I seem to have recovered fully though, and am now trying to determine how I am going to spend the rest of my life. Of course I'm married and have 2 children and this IS my life! But I'm re-thinking some career issues and identifying some new interests. Anyway, you should delete this entire message from your blog if you don't want it to 'mess up your site'. I know you are coming up on the first year of Jan's death and it will be a time for you to deal with in a very personal way. I don't have your email address so just wanted to extend my deepest condolences to you before any more time goes by and tell you what I did about about myself. I may or may not actually keep my blog. Still thinking about that option. Please take care! Jan
Jan,
Thank you so much for your comments. I'll leave it for the blog if you don't mind. After all this is about life and Life is what it is.
It's kind of a long story about Jan's cancer. In 2002 she developed what was diagnosed as a "Mucinous Psuedo-Myxoma." A borderline malignant tumor in her abdomen. After emergency surgery and a complete hysterectomy it looked like everything was clear. She followed up at Cleveland Clinic and seemed to be doing well. She had about a year of good health after that. In the latter part of 2003 she started having symptoms which were pretty vague. They did all kinds of blood tests and X-rays, but everything was clear. In about March 2004 she started having an unproductive cough. Finally a chest X-ray looked suspicious enough to warrant a lung biopsy. On June 23rd she had the surgery. It was then we discovered the cancer had metastasized throughout her lungs. There was no hope for cure. Only Chemo to slow the onslaught.
She lived 92 days after that and died in my arms at home on September 23rd.
I sometimes feel as though I'm still in shock. But, life is about living and while one is still alive, Live!
She would have wanted that as I would have for her. I've travelled ALOT in this past year (obviously). Maybe as a reaction to her death, but also to scratch some itches I've had for a long time.
I don't know what to expect in the coming years, but then, who does? So I intend to run this as hard and as long as I can.
Our little one (Mick) is now 24. He has moved, after a year in Puerto Rico, to St. Thomas, VI. His long term goal is to get his doctorate and become a college professor.
Just like his mother.
Good luck to you, Jan. Hold those little ones (even the big little one) tight while you can. If you look further back in my blogs you'll see some of my thoughts about kids and potential grandkids.
I'm a positive guy and I do love living. My blog is, I hope, a reflection of that.
With warmest regards,
Mike
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